Things I don't need to pray for

Each day I try my best to have a prayer time while I am receiving my treatment. I say try because some days all I can think of is about having to go to the toilet. I have to fill up with water to keep my bladder from getting zapped with the beam. You know that feeling when you have to go and you can’t sit still. Well, think about lying still without a movement for fear that something else might get the mighty power of the radiation. It does not matter what you try to concentrate on, it does not affect that urge.

Now, I am sure that the Lord does not want perfunctory time for prayer, and that is all I could give Him if I am trying to pray and I gotta go! Fortunately, the situation is not so urgent all the time, and in those moments I have had some sweet time with the Lord.

I have been concentrating this week on things that I do not need to pray for. That’s right; there are some things that I don’t need to pray for. Here is a list of some of those things:

1.      My need to be appreciated. I don’t need praise from those around me. It is true everyone likes to hear positive comments about themselves, but in my heart of hearts, my Lord is the only one I want to impress. John 12:43

2.      My need to appear intelligent. I am not a preacher, I am a farmer, so I don’t have to impress everyone with how smart I am or what a great orator I am. My father-in-law only had a high school education, but he traveled in circles with national and international leaders. I once asked him how he was able to talk to so many intelligent people. He replied, “Most people only want to talk about themselves, so I listen closely and I only make occasional comments such as ‘It could very well be,’ ‘Among other things,’ and ‘Yes, indeed!’” People love it when you agree with them, and they think you are very intelligent. I Corinthians 1:17-21

3.      My need to be first. OK, so I am competitive, but I certainly don’t need to pray to be the first. Years ago Jason gave me a framed quote by Alexander Pope: “ Be not the first by whom the new are tried, nor yet the last to lay the old aside.” Many times I have gained lessons from this quote, but primary among them is that I don’t need to be first. John 3:30

4.      My need to be wealthy. I thought I was marrying wealth when I married Cheryl. I was right, but not in the way I thought. Wealth is measured in so many different ways. We are wealthy with money by the majority of the world’s standards, but the best wealth is the love that I share with my family and friends through the bond of Jesus. Luke 16:13

5.      My future. I am not afraid of death. I don’t seek death, but when it comes I want to stare it in the face and know that I am ready to meet my Lord and sing with the choirs of angels. Jeremiah  29:11

Colleagues

Cheryl and I decided that we would not try to go home during my treatment. It is a seven hour drive one way, so it is not worth the time on the road to be home for such a short time. We have been content to spend time with new friends from the Proton Therapy Institute and with some other friends here in the Jacksonville area.

I flew to Atlanta last Thursday for an important meeting with six other WinShape leaders. As we started the meeting I asked for prayer requests. I became very emotional as my colleagues started to share some of their concerns for other team members and family.  I realized that I had really missed intercessory prayer with my friends.

Recently our international team gathered for a planning retreat here in Jacksonville Beach, and the first order of business was sharing our concerns and praying about them. What a sweet time! We prayed and cried. I think if more men cried there would be better husbands, fathers, grandfathers, and colleagues.

Cheryl and I have had some great time together in prayer during our three weeks in Jacksonville, but I missed the privilege of praying with my work colleagues. It is an opportunity that I have often taken for granted. In how many workplaces can you share your deepest concerns and then pray together about those things?

Thank you, Lord, for the honor of sharing my concerns with my colleagues and then bringing them to your feet.

Rolfe Dorsey

I have had literally hundreds of mentors in my life. Many of them have been older; many have been peers; and some have been much younger than me. Some of them spoke into my life for years, and some just for a short season. But there have been three very important long-term mentors in my life. My dad, Pete, is one of these. There are two others who are not blood relatives, but who have helped to shape me for ministering to others since I was a teenager. I cannot describe in words all that they have done for me in helping me become a servant of Christ. If you see any good in me, you can thank my dad, Rolfe Dorsey and John McCall. For all the bad you recognize in me, that’s Larry.

I met both Dr. Rolfe Dorsey and Dr. John McCall when I was 19 and a sophomore at Mississippi College. In different seasons in my life over the past 44 years one or both of these men have spoken into my life in such a way that I have been a better husband, father, grandfather, friend, colleague and certainly a better follower of Christ.

I shared in another post about how I was hurting that one of these mentors, Rolfe Dorsey, was diagnosed with esophageal cancer last week. I have learned today that the cancer has spread to his liver.  This was devastating news to hear. Rolfe and I have talked about his death for the past 10 years. There are no other family members engaged in his life since his wife died of MS over 25 years ago. He calls our family his only family.

A couple months ago I remarked to Cheryl that I thought Rolfe was showing signs of dementia. In the past six months he has lost significant weight and most recently he has had difficulty swallowing. On Tuesday, I asked him to go to the emergency room because he could not swallow at all. Everything has happened so quickly in the last few days. He knows he is dying and he has refused any treatment. He has become belligerent with the nurses because he wants to go home to die. Rolfe is ready to be with Jesus. He asked me long ago not to let his caregivers do anything to prolong his life. His physician told me today over the telephone that in all his years of practice he has never seen anyone as prepared and ready to depart this life as Rolfe is.

As I write these words I am on a plane headed to Louisville where Rolfe is hospitalized. I am going to say goodbye, or rather, see you later, to a dear friend. As his only family, my responsibility is to carry out his last requests. I wish it was not me. This is so hard. I have to make decisions about his life and his death. But, the Lord has given me a peace about this experience. I have listened to my mentor hundreds of times over the years. He has not let me down. Now he is depending on me to do the right thing for him. Rolfe Dorsey has shown me how to live. Now he is showing me how to die and how to join the angels in glory before the feet of Jesus. PRAISE! JOY!

[note: I wrote this Friday night, but I have been busy all day getting Rolfe moved into a palliative unit to spend his last few days in this life. It has been a hard time in many ways, but it has truly been a time of joy as God gave us so much time together—4 am – present time 8pm Saturday. He has not had any sedative since last night, and he has been alert all day. We discussed all the arrangements for his memorial service. What a joy! He is not afraid of death, and he has chosen how he wants to die. I have been reading verses of Praise from the Bible. He is indeed ready to meet His creator. AMEN!]                                   

Real Time

When the therapists get me settled in my mold and have taken care of the other preliminaries, they have to get me lined up with the beam machine for the treatment. Crucial to this alignment is the X-ray process. I broke my wrist in December and I have had a lot of X-rays on my wrist recently. I would plop my arm on the X-ray table, hold still for a few seconds while the technicians are out of the room, and it was finished quickly—a piece of cake!

The X-rays before each of my treatments are much more complicated. When they are treating my right side the proton beam is lined up on my right hip. One giant arm comes out of the back of the gantry and comes alongside my left side. Another giant arm comes out and is under my body. When the beam is lined up for treating my left side one arm is on my right side and the other is above me. Each of these arms is a very complex X-ray machine. They are not taking still images; these machines are taking “real time” images of my pelvic area. The two X-ray machines send these real time images to computers that sync with the lasers and the beam machine to get me perfectly lined up for the radiation.

You will recall that I had to go so bad one night last week that I said something out loud—that’s a no-no. If I talk, there is movement, and they have to start the real time X-rays over. That doesn’t make the therapists happy. And, let me tell you this: with all the things they are doing to my body, I ain’t gonna get them upset.

You know me. I a farmer and farmers are curious: what does real time mean? The Oxford Dictionary says this: the actual time during which a process or event occurs. They used part of the word to define the word. Do you think that helped me understand it better? When the dictionaries don’t have good meanings for words, they cover up by giving you examples of how it is used in sentences. But, I still have trouble defining it.

However, I don’t have trouble defining real time in my own life. I think it means actions that one has committed or pledged to perform. I made a commitment for real time with Cheryl 43 years ago. Sometimes I have not been as faithful with that commitment, but I know the difference in real time and perfunctory time. I have had a lot of practice with perfunctory time.

 Being here for the treatments has been good for our marriage. Cheryl and I have had more face time in these three weeks than we have in any 3 months since we were living in West Africa. We have had real time. I have continued to work, but without other distractions, I have spent much more time with her. She insists on driving into the city with me for the treatments so we have an additional hour each day to spend with each other. I enjoy my real time with Cheryl. She is my best friend and main squeeze—yes I have other squeezes: two daughters, two daughters-in-love, and 11 grandchildren.

Today while getting my treatment I prayed that I would spend real time with the rest of my family and with my colleagues at work and with friends. Perhaps others may not readily recognize when we give them perfunctory time, but we know the difference.

Covered

I climb onto the table very carefully for my treatments. A couple times I have moved the mold as I sat down on the table, and remember, I don’t want to get the therapists upset. Usually you have one of two young ladies at the foot of the table. Now tell me how am I supposed to get on the table without moving the mold and without exposing myself. Why should I worry as they will be working on my torso after all.

My dad was complaining over the phone about wearing a hospital gown in the hospital. You know the type that does not cover the cheeks. I told him he gets no sympathy from me—I am wearing one every day!

I am wondering every day in the dressing room about this: millions of dollars of high-tech equipment in this facility and we are still using ice-age gowns. I am speaking figuratively and literally here. Figuratively, they expose your figure. Literally, I get freezing cold. The therapists tell me that the temperature in the gantry is 70, but they could hang fresh meat in there to cure, I am sure. When I mention that it is cold, they say, “Do you really think it’s cold? I don’t think so.” I respond, “Take off your pants and walk around, and then tell me it’s not cold!”

I would like to be covered to knock off some of the chill of this walk-in cooler. They are letting me wear a T-shirt under my gown as that doesn’t interfere with the construction zone. There is no chance to be covered as they are getting me all adjusted for the zapping, so I am resolved no longer to worry about being covered.

As I get settled on the table, I am reminded each day that I am covered—by the prayers of the faithful. I am grateful for you because you care enough to read this blog. Thank you for your prayer support. Cheryl and I have been blessed to be covered by the prayers of so many people over the years who have interceded for us and our family. How sweet it is to be covered by the prayers of brothers and sisters in Christ.

Pete and Rolfe

My dad was not able to have the cathetherization on Monday afternoon, so his physician did it today. They found some blockage and they did another stent. If all goes well, he should be able to go home tomorrow. Thanks for your prayer support.

Now I need to ask for prayer support for Rolfe Dorsey, who has been a mentor for me since I was 18 years old. His wife passed away with MS about 25 years ago. He is a retired pastor living in Louisville, KY, and he has no family to care for him. We have been very close for these years and I am distressed because he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer on Thursday. I talked with him tonight, and he could not swallow at all. We arranged for a neighbor to take him to the emergency room tonight, and he has been admitted. My grief is that I cannot be with him now when he needs me.

Thank you for your intercession.

Seasons

Before we kept all our contact information in computers, many of our friends liked to show us their address books. They would turn to the entry for “Cox” and show us what a mess it was on that page. Their point was that we have moved so many times that they did not have enough room in their address books. My response was simple—write in pencil! Years ago Cheryl and I counted the times we have moved. It is embarrassing to tell how many times we have changed addresses in the last 37 years. Interestingly enough, during those 37 years since we first moved to France, I have only worked for three different organizations. However, most of those moves came while working overseas and living in six countries.

My dad has called us gypsies for many years—I don’t think it is a compliment! We have three personal mailing addresses now, so we continue to propagate the idea of mobility.  It is really not about mobility, but it is about seasons of life.

As I talk with young leaders I enjoy reminding them that life is full of seasons. Just like the seasons of the year, one season follows another, and some seasons are better than others for us. God walks us through many seasons in our lives, and sometimes those seasons overlap. When we return to Rome, Georgia in three weeks, we will be entering into a season of family time. Allison is getting married—oh happy day—and all our immediate family will be together for a short time for the wedding. That does not happen very often.

It will also be a very busy season at WinShape. Our campus at Berry College will be bustling with the arrival of over 400 college students who will work in one of our two resident camps or with our Camps for Communities in 63 cities around the USA.  It is a season of international projects. As we return home WinShape International will have projects going on in Kenya, Zambia, Peru and Greece. IMPACT 360 will end its sixth season soon, and WinShape College Program will launch another large group of students into the world.

Seasons come and seasons end. Some get more attention because we experience challenges, but the Father is in control of the seasons. This time of treatment in Florida is a short season in our lives, and it is one-half over today. I had treatment #14, and I am scheduled to have 28 treatments. Thank you, Lord, for this season in our lives.